The People Repeller

A breakthrough.

2011-08-20T01:46:00.000+10:00

We're not dead yet, we've just been busy (repelling, procrastinating, trying to figure out life's already solved mysteries etc). I often complain about how I have no friends and that no one wants to speak to me. Now I have legitimate evidence as to why (thus the title of this post). Being a natural people repeller, the majority of the past eighteen years have been spent finding an explanation. This search lead me to a myriad of unreliable personality quizzes, but of particular importance is the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator. Although I don't trust the internet entirely (read: at all) I have consistently been told by the net that I am an INTP (I am with the ranks of Socrates, Blaise Pascal, Newton, Eisenhower, Jung, Einstein, Charles Darwin and Sherlock Holmes) which basically means I am awesome, an almost unique snowflake and better than the rest of you.

No, I quote Wikipedia (super reliable source yo):

I – Introversion preferred to extraversion: INTPs tend to be quiet and reserved. They generally prefer interacting with a few close friends rather than a wide circle of acquaintances, and they expend energy in social situations (whereas extraverts gain energy).
N – iNtuition preferred to sensing: INTPs tend to be more abstract than concrete. They focus their attention on the big picture rather than the details, and on future possibilities rather than immediate realities.
T – Thinking preferred to feeling: INTPs tend to value objective criteria above personal preference. When making decisions, they generally give more weight to logic than to social considerations.
P – Perception preferred to judgment: INTPs tend to withhold judgment and delay important decisions, preferring to "keep their options open" should circumstances change.

According to this study, the most favoured personality type in American society is the exact, polar opposite of an INTP. I am not American, but I do live in a Western society so I gather that this is somewhat applicable to me. I quote, The words and phrases used most often to describe INTP women were entirely negative. Those used most often to describe male INTPs were mixed—some positive and some negative. INTP females were depicted more negatively than women in general and than women of any other type. Female INTP descriptions were also more negative than those for any male type. Ah, I wonder which kind, sweet words were used!

Consider this your lucky day because, I quote again:
Phrases most often used to describe [INTP's]:

is basically distrustful of people in general; questions their motivations
keeps people at a distance; avoids close interpersonal relationships
is subtly negativistic; tends to undermine and obstruct or sabotage
tends to be self-defensive
extrapunitive; tends to transfer or project blame

Adjectives most often used to describe:

distrustful
sulky
evasive
indifferent

NO WONDER MY MANAGERS HATE ME.

Phrases least often used to describe:

emphasises being with others; gregarious
has social poise and presence; appears socially at ease
has a clear-cut internally consistent personality
appears straight-forward, forthright, candid in dealing with others
is turned to for advice and reassurance

Adjectives least often used to describe:

tolerant
appreciative
helpful
cooperative
honest
warm
pleasant
sincere
sympathetic
understanding

All my life (I have a flair for the dramatic, you know) I've been cast aside, shunned from society thinking there was something wrong with me until now I realise I've been living a lie - this cultural bias may impact the development of INTP women and their ability to express their type preferences in positive ways . I am perfectly normal, everyone else is retarded (in the sense that they're slow). It is not my fault that others don't know how to interact with superior people like me (extrapunitive; tends to transfer or project blame).

uneducated

2011-05-29T00:51:00.041+10:00

I can't speak for everyone because I don't really have the common opinion but when I think of how much I'm going to have to pay back in HECS I want to make the most of the education I'm paying for... in theory because we all know that the reality is that we're all lazy as fuck (bar the one or two studious nerds you may or may not know) and live for sleep.

The other day I was in a lecture being my usual people repelling self, taking up an entire row of seats in a row. A guy sits down in the seat in front of mine and at first all's good and well as he's unpacking and talking to a friend. The lecture begins and because I am a design student our lectures are mainly visual so I was intently watching the projection until - AW HAEL NAW - the guy in front of me sits upright. His hair, HIS FUCKING HAIR! It was like a gigantic mutant puffer fish, an over-gelled monstrosity to rival Goku from Dragon Ball Z. I couldn't even decide for myself whether I was going to focus or not. All throughout the lecture I had to see through the gaps in his hair which was fragmenting everything I saw, swaying my head as subtly as I could and holding in the urge to whack his head with my lecture pad. Ordinarily I wouldn't mind a distraction, but this guy's hair infringed my right to self-determination, a human right and so I wasted an hour of my time as well as wasted the money which I'll be repaying in the future (plus it was my favourite subject).

What you should take away from this is you should never, ever style your hair after your favourite childhood heroes and sit in a lecture unless the purpose of your life is to annoying people.

avoiding study crowds

2011-05-28T19:01:00.003+10:00

As a lonely creeper, I find comfort in spaces where no one else occupies; for university, it's the School of Biological Sciences' Lizard Study Lounge. It is usually occupied by the same five people: the couple that hog the computers for Facebook and Funny Hitler on Youtube (which is not funny at all, fuck Reich off), the person who has fallen asleep on the couches with ears plugged, another on their laptop, and myself.

Today I walked in to find an upwards of twenty people packed in the room. I hesitantly sat myself next to the depressed looking boy staring at the wall, and unpacked my calculus homework. The seats are tall relative to the benches; so one is hunched over in a heavy and restrictive coat, with snot slowly travelling its way down the nasal canal. After two minutes of staring at the same confusing equation on the paper, I gave up.

Thank God for my mobile, I can get out of awkward situations so easily. I Tweeted nobody in particular:

"I am just casually texting a friend (i.e. myself on Twitter) so I can get out of this awkward situation. What's that? You want me where? Ok."

Waited a minute or so, checked my mobile again, packed my things, and left the room for the cubicles in the library.

I would rather be left alone to hopelessly rummage my pockets for a scrap piece of tissue to wipe my nose with, than be in a room full of people who are semi-aware that they are seated next to the snotty-nosed idiot.

Repelling at parties (as a partygoer)

2011-05-28T10:03:00.009+10:00

Ways to repel people at parties at your uni bar:

stay upstairs and chat with people you actually know while others dance on the miniscule dance floor downstairs
spot two old friends you know from school (who have been coerced by another mutual friend into coming to the party) and decide you will stick with them instead of socialising with new people
decide that the music is too loud/bad and dancing too awkward and go with these friends to one's engineering workshop in another part of the uni
chat with nice engineering students
when on the way back to the party, dance in a ridiculous fashion in front of your uni's main building
don't actually dance much when you get back to the party
repeat the trip to the engineering workshop and back once more (complete with ridiculous dancing in front of the uni building)
leave!

(I think the trick is this: dancing is only fun when you're either with your best friends, or with people who are willing to take the piss and dance as ridiculously as you are (because this 'let's pump our fists in the air and shuffle our feet' thing isn't dancing). And also, djs of the world, what's wrong with some ABBA or bad 70s/80s disco or 90s boybands? Whatever it is you're playing, it's giving me a headache [sorry Vivien].)

human traffic

2011-05-23T01:47:00.001+10:00

A scene from Human Traffic that radiates with repelling nature.

people repelling is my occupation

2011-05-09T17:33:00.002+10:00

If you are a people repeller, then becoming a waitress at a posh gallery cocktail party is the job for you.

A gallery venue is guaranteed to be filled with the untrusting snobbishness of a “different” social world. You have the Armani suited who think the quail is stuffed with heroin*; or the stick-limbed models who refuse to eat, because they haven’t practised an elegant expression for eating bite sized pieces, and/or are too Botoxed to open their mouths. Approaching these huddles with your platter creates a ripple effect*; a slight tilt of the body away from you indicates their disinterest, and that's it - they want you to go away.

Along with weaving between the scented clouds of perfume and expensive cologne and kindly shoving food under their pointed and powdered noses; you also have the somewhat discouraging words of “no thanks, I’m on an unnecessary diet” and disapproving glares of “how dare you silently interrupt our conversation about vintage Rolls Royce and trimmed hedges?!”. But you can’t avoid them, because it's offensive to; rejection is an upper-class sport, along with deer-hunting and polo. I guess for the one obese man in the corner and the cheeky Brazillian, having more to eat is an advantage.

For a normal cocktail function, you are guaranteed that dedicated fan base of hungry individuals, who will literally follow you around the room (by foot or by hawkish sight). Within 5 minutes, you can return back to base with an empty platter and a satisfied “I am so popular, people must love me” grin. For a normal functions, it means a quick return and depletion of food; for a gallery function, it’s an awkward, never-ending circulation; like recycled water being swished from gutter, to tank, to sewerage, to garden.

* Although I have been to the after parties, where they snort cocaine in the bathroom.
** Unless of course you’re the one pouring champagne. They go mad for Moët et Chandon champagne.

the importance of pop culture

2011-04-30T13:34:00.005+10:00

I may not do it as openly and frequently as YY, or be as coolly scathing as V, but here’s a confession: I do judge people.

Now, often dressing like a hobo or a bogan who’s only got one prized pair of jeans to wear myself, I’m not the type to judge people on their appearance. No, I take a little time to get to know people before I judge. And by “getting to know” people, I mean that one of the first topics I bring up when I start to chat to someone new is pop culture: television, music, and films (and if someone is completely disappointing in their choice of favourite shows and movies, I throw them the sport question as a lifeline).

Take note, readers, for this is a serious post: gauging one’s taste in entertainment is essential for deciding whether your time will be well spent pursuing a friendship or whether you’ll be wasting your time. After all, discussions about a shared love for a show or a band can form the basis of a beautiful friendship. In the words of John Cusack’s Rob Gordon in High Fidelity: “books, records, films - these things matter; call me shallow but it's the fuckin' truth.”

There are, of course, guidelines and warnings to this whole exercise.

If you don’t have a wide range of favourite films, TV shows and bands to choose from, you may begin to repel. Similarly, if you’re a hipster, you may automatically repel people as soon as you begin to talk about the bands and films you love, because they are impossibly shrouded in obscurity (early Woody Allen obscure is fine, 1940s Swedish film-noir obscure is not). Remember, the purpose of the question is to discuss, not to give answers that leave your new acquaintance with no option but to smile and nod awkwardly.

An ideal range of favourites should involve a mix of popular and to some extent, obscure: you must show someone you speak their language, whilst also introducing them to unknown delights, thus showing them what they have to gain by becoming your friend. When looking for popular-yet-somewhat-sophisticated, think Martin Scorcese or John Hughes films; The West Wing or Doctor Who, for example, when discussing TV. Small doses of politics and sci-fi are good, but don’t declare yourself a full-blown Trekkie until you know the other person shares your obsession. Depending on the gender of your new acquaintance, mix in some drama with a war miniseries or lighten it up with a Gilmore Girls-type family show. Music is perhaps more difficult, but a good rule of thumb involves mixing a few classic artists heard on the oldies station (think The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Johnny Cash, Queen etc) with a couple popular today (though think of bands playing at Splendor rather than many of those on the Top 40 charts).

Simply put, you need to display an element of approachability mixed with a certain mysteriousness in your answers if you want to strike up an easy discussion.

And that is the extent of my possibly bullshit advice on how not repel people on the basis of your taste in pop culture. It's worked pretty well for me so far (I think).

effect of clothing on social interaction

2011-04-26T23:35:00.005+10:00

Forget the bullshit, we all judge a book by its cover - first impressions are everything and we unconsciously follow the doctrine of social clichés when interacting with strangers. We may be completely wrong about someone’s personality, but who would know if we don’t approach them in the first place? If they appeal to you, then chances are you have some common ground. Good for you. We are constantly judging people. Call it a survival instinct inherited from our primitive ancestors to critically analyse if someone is going to be of a threat to us – only in this modern world, we have clothes to make an easier profile rather than just assuming that they’re someone we should be stabbing our spears into. Although we unconsciously judge other people, they are judging us too whether we like it not. Let me make a pledge here, let us all stop looking at each other and making each other feel uncomfortable - it’s socially awkward, now stop it.

If I were to wear my usual monochrome ensemble of heavy combat Doc Martens, black acid wash jeans, black hoodie and big-ass-fuck-you-antisocial-headphones, I doubt anyone of sane mind would approach me. But much to my surprise, despite my awkward appearance, a sleazy guy did come up to me with the explained intention to “just flirt with you” because he thought I was into heavy emo music. The next day I wore something one would call “Ke$ha-like” and had a trash off with the girl on the other size of the intersection. She won by a long mile, one doesn’t wear ripped fish-stockings without the intention of getting raped at sometime during the night. If you are looking for some social encounters, sleaze it up a bit. The way you present yourself is the way people will perceive you.

I am not here to tell you to be approachable, I am not instructing you on how you should look, because you should be you and nobody else. But if you are one with multiple piercings, tattoos, a haughty face, dreads and shredded death metal band t-shirts, then you radiate the stereotype, don’t complain if no one shares your love for Celine Dion. But if you really want to go the whole way and be the Queen/King of People Repelling, don't look at people, pull your bitch-face (as mentioned in an earlier post), wear surround-sound DJ headphones, and wear clothes that fashionistas will find visually repulsive.

The Bitchface.

2011-04-25T16:43:00.001+10:00

Although 'bitchface' isn't a term recognised by any reputable dictionary, it should be. You could take it literally to be 'the face of a bitch', however, I would define it as 'the scowl of cynicism and judgement plastered on the faces of most people-repellers' characterised by pursed lips, a piercing side-eye and a mild frown. It's not an attractive look (I can't speak for everyone though - whatever floats your boat) but it's a rather nifty expression to have in your arsenal if you want to tell the world 'No, it's time for you to shut the fuck up and run away from me unless you are suicidal'. Since my birth, I have perfected the bitchface, so well, in fact, my acquaintances have very little difficulty recognising me from a distance as I'm walking up a street or in a hazy photo, pixelated facebook-quality photograph.

On the flipside, if you are trying to make friends this is definitely not the face to pull - I can testify. Being born with a bitchface, it makes it very difficult to look amiable. Whenever I smile, I resemble a hyena ready to pounce on your juicy ass. I'll admit, sometimes there is pleasure to be taken from scaring people away but not when you're genuinely trying to be normal in a social situation. Meeting new people presents several challenges - how to overcome my extreme social awkwardness and toning down my bitchface to around a 4 (out of 10).

gpoy

Most people will think (I'm almost certain) 'I'd rather not be speaking to this pathetic excuse for a human who has no interest in talking to me. Will she please stop looking at what I'm wearing or looking deep into the abysses of my soul for something to criticise? Please, someone bring me a wall to talk to'. In this prime example of how the bitchface works you should note that 1 - it was awkward and 2 - no one likes to talk to people with bitchfaces.

Instead of leaving you with a killer punchline (truth be told, I don't have one) I'll leave you with some sound advice - do not use the bitchface unless you want a 5km people-free radius around you.

An introduction (of sorts)

2011-04-20T00:29:00.001+10:00

Our earliest ancestors realised that by working together as a team would ensure each other's survival. However, the passage of time has shown humans become increasingly reclusive, and the rate of deteriorating social skills exponential. From birth, it has been instilled in us that we should present the best possible impression of ourselves on others. This may involve something as simple as a smile, a greeting and some interrogation. Or not.

More often than not in this increasingly well connected world, people's communication skills are scrutinised, no thanks to 'social' medium such as Facebook and Twitter (which, ironically, have made us less connected and less social). The rise of technology has made talking face to face a thing of the distant past. For those unfortunate enough to be fluent in sarcasm, you don't reflect too well on the internet.

It is with some sort of inaccurate paranoia that the opposite party has the same attitude and paranoia you do - they too may be wondering if you are interesting in interacting. After a while of debating with yourself whether or not you should say a simple 'hello' or pull a cheek muscle or two, the moment will have passed and the awkwardness gets worse, thus, in some cases, an individual may desire to avoid the awkward situation all together by appearing unapproachable.

For the lucky few who are certain that people don't wish for you to be burned at the stake then you have probably mastered the artform of socialising. We, on the other hand, possess very few of those skills which allow us to socialise like a normal human beings. In my case, I possess a nifty set of tools (I keep them in my right pocket) which very effectively repel any one I come in contact with. Heck, I was born with the face to repel. In the wise words of Lady Gaga, I was born this way.

Years of isolation and too much time spent on the internet have allowed us to hone our repelling techniques. For us, it's far easier to stalk than talk, abuse than amuse and choose, when given the option, flight than fight. If you happen to see one of us swaggering along a street, we are most likely listening to music (in Vivien's case, wearing obnoxiously big headphones), have at least half our faces shielded by sunglasses and have our bitchfaces on. This is our urban armour to protect us from unnecessary interaction and the rest of society from us.

The People Repeller is a guide for all those like us and for non-repellers to peek at a life alien to them. This is a on-going record of how we repel and what repels us. Let us, the People Repellers, to endure your loneliness. Allow us to suffer the awkwardness so you won't have to. We do the repelling so you won't have to.